Maybe the definition of "being drunk" varies from country to country and from person to person.

David Heath has video on a low ABV IPA that might be worth looking at, including a link to a Lallemand paper about brewing low ABV. The recommendation was, if I remember correctly, to mash high... and really high, like 80C or so, to get ABV under 1%. Perhaps that't too low for you...

I suggest carbonation drops or something like this

"Unknown No 1" is probably Invert sugar #1, a syrup something like Lyle's golden syrup. I would recommend you to read this blog which is full of translated old recipes

Some advice from gash on his YouTube channel

Been a while since I did it now and I don't have my notes available, however after I wrote that I've changed my approach somewhat. I make smaller batches, 5 liter (~1 gallon), and add apple juice concentrate to keg at kegging time or when it's ready to drink.

I'm far from knowledgeable at this but... I've found that pH meters need constantly calibration... do you calibrate before every brew session? Do you measure pH when wort is at room temperature? Do you check the pH of the water before mash?

I have two approaches, either I use my TILT to get a hint if it's reached the estimated FG, then I wait a few extra days and take a hydrometer reading. If it's where it's expected to be I call it finished. The other approach if I don't use the TILT is to just wait a week or perhaps a few...

I'm pretty happy with mine too. I use an old phone connected 24x7 to bridge the tilt data to the software. As mentioned it's not always giving 100% correct data, but usually good enough to know how the fermentation progress.

There is a pitch rate and starter calculator here on BF, you can use it either standalone or with the recipebuilder. It will tell you how many yeast cells are needed for your brew.

What's that Ben? Sounds like something in my native language but I don't think I've heard about it being fermented, and never used in English language.

You're having an apparent attenuation of 71% which is within the stated range of your chosen yeast strain (68 to 72%).

I've done a couple of cask ales recently, for testing purposes, using some polypins/plastic bags. I've might have done wrong with these first ones but I let the beer ferment out fully first, and after that put them in the bags with a small amount of a sugar solution. The result was not bad at...

Try searching the beersmith forum for coopers lme. I have no knowledge of beersmith myself but I'm sure there are others that have done what you are doing. There might even be some people on here that can provide you with some hints, for all I know beersmith is a pretty common tool.

It certainly wasn't bad, maybe my expectations was just too high.

I thought season 4 was weaker than the previous ones.

I have that problem too, my solution is to put the chiller in earlier in the boil...and make sure it ain't too cold before I put it in. Have it in a bucket of hot water or put it over your kettle to warm it up.

They will still be there

It was some years ago I watched it, but I think this one has some of that weirdness you're waiting for... It was all in all a very weird movie.

If I run this recipe through another software I get an estimated FG of 1.011.